Thursday, June 7, 2012

I Hate You, 88 lbs.

88 lbs.

88 lbs.

88 lbs.

That is not a good number to see on the scale when you're 31 and 5'2. When your normal weight, though underweight, hovers around 97 lbs. When you haven't been under 95 lbs. in more than two years, when you were pregnant with your daughter. I lost 6 lbs. in three weeks.

I don't know what to point the finger at. I could say it's because my two blonde tornadoes keep me running all day and steal my food. I could blame the recent depression that I now see was due to my latest, and second, miscarriage. I could say it's because I'm busy all the time, but none of those are a reason that I should have let myself get down to 88 lbs. No wonder I've felt so shitty lately. Being underweight is so similar to being overweight: you feel unhealthy, lazy, lethargic. Just plain not good.

It's time to do something. I have to gain some weight. The last time I was this thin was right after having my son, when breastfeeding was taking all of my nutrients out and my weakened body couldn't handle it. I was passing out, blacking out, walking around like a zombie with no energy at all. My metabolism fights against me in that it still works at a high rate and doesn't let my body add pounds. I'd have to eat at least five times the calories of a normal person, which would mean me shoving food in my face 24 hours a day, and that's pretty hard to do with two kids, two dogs, a house to clean, and a husband to make happy.

I've decided to start protein shakes from Body By Vi, suggested by my dad. He's had such success on the shakes that he has been cigarette-free for the first time in six months. He smoked his entire adult life. Not only that, but he walks four miles a day and is in the best shape he's been in in quite a while. In addition to my daily meals, shakes will be added as a snack to put more calories and good stuff into my body instead of eating fatty or unhealthy foods to try to gain weight.

See you later, 88 lbs. Goal: 105.

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