Calendar Girls

For anyone who's been reading along, the calendar idea is a GO! :) Fellow pirate momma Erin jumped on board and with her advertising background, found an amazing photographer to shoot us, Stewart Cohen. His work is amazing and best of all, he's volunteering his time to shoot us. Our first meeting with him is the week of July 9th.

Here's a sneak peak at the lovely tattooed mommas who will be part of the calendar:

Brittany

Brook

Chelsea

Kelley

Kendra

Samantha

Skye

 

Stephanie

Dawn

and yours truly, Stacy

Someplace Else

Last week for my birthday I visited my friend Derrick in Euless at his shop, Someplace Else Tattoos. He became a good friend of mine when he was working with my husband as his graphic design assistant, and it is just a good time hanging out with him. You know those people that just light up a room? Derrick is one of them. He makes me smile every time I see him.

Since I couldn't go down until late, the shop was pretty empty by the time I arrived, so Derrick and I got to sit down and talk extensively about my tattoo colors and design. I had sent him this and this as a sample, and he came back with this, which was immediately the perfect design in my mind. If you're looking for quality work, go and see him. The shop is clean, the artists are thorough and want to make their clients happy. Tell 'em Stacy sent you.

Here are a few shots of the master preparing to work his magic.

Here is my tattoo just a few days later. I love it. And Derrick, the white is starting to pop like WHOA, in case you were wondering. :)

Guest Blogger: Rejecting the Working Mom Guilt Trip

Tattooed Hippie Pirate Momma's first guest blogger is my friend and a hep-kat momma.

This piece was originally written for her friend with a 2-year-old who was upset because she felt guilty about working instead of staying at home. It turned into a piece about public schools & the media pressure. Thank you, Hep-Kat momma, for your inspiring point of view.

	How a single mommy rejected the guilt trip served by the media & public school system

Happy mommies have happy babies.  Don't forget to keep yourself happy. :)

Do not let the stay-at-home-moms make you feel bad about working.  We can afford to expose our children to experts & offer them better opportunities not available to those with low income.  And there is nothing wrong with choosing to stay home if you can afford it.  We mommies need to stick together & be supportive of each other.

As long as the time you spend together is quality, that is what her memories are made of.  It's ok if we need a nap after work, because when we are awake we have love together.

You have to learn to recognize & overcome condescending attitudes that are thrown at you.

It starts with the media, Martha Stewart, Mom Brady (who had a maid, by the way), but then they kick it up a notch in church & schools.... they are serious & they make it personal.

I promise you that public schools are terrible about demonizing working parents who can't drop everything at a moments notice to come to the school every week.  I read a great article about it, this myth being fed to teachers that parents don't care about their kids, when in reality they are asking parents to choose between work & being at the school during the day.  They honestly don't realize that this is impossible for working parents & it would be nice if they could prioritize what they need you at school for.

I had to "wait out" a secretary at my kid's school just last week. They wanted to give her a Draconian dress code punishment & I asked them to reschedule it so we could travel last week.  They refused to reschedule, so I demanded to talk to the principal. (You must be super super polite, never openly express anger or say "my kid would never..."  It totally throws off their game; they are used to being on the defense with irate parents, so when you are nice to them they don't know how to handle it).  The secretary refused to let me see him, said he was in a meeting till forever.  I said I'd wait. Then I went to the principal's office next door & asked to make an appointment with him afterwards.  I told them I'd wait in the vice principal's office next door until one of them was ready.  I do the wait-out as an absolute last resort; if you over-use it they will make it ever harder.

School is so different now.  They make it so hard to go to your kid's class.  They never answer their phones if you call.  You literally have to bring an ID & personally ask to get anything done.

The conversation I had with her administrators in junior high about my kid's "behavioral problem" was a great example.  My kid was accused of not staying in her seat during band rehearsals.  Now I already knew that my first chair trombonist sat next to a very very disturbed kid. This kid had been abused & neglected as a child & was adopted into the suburbs.  My daughter had told me stories all year about how the kid would throw things at the first year band teacher & how one day the kid SEWED her own lips together. (We are talking a 7th grader!)

I let the principal vent.  ThenI told them that I agreed with everything.  Anabeth should totally stay in her seat & learn to play her instrument.  I agree.  However, I asked them if they knew so-and-so sat next to my daughter in that class.  I told them I knew so-and-so had discipline problems & that I felt sorry for the kid & didn't want her to get sent to special school.  I also said that I knew it was that teacher's first year of teaching.

Then I laid it down.... told them in order for my child to sit still she would have to be protected and safe.  I told them they need to provide this teacher better tools so she could control her class because she was picking the easier child to discipline out of fear.  I also said that my daughter's glasses had been taken by the bully & destroyed by slamming a case repeatedly shut on them.  I told them that if they were not willing to protect her I only had two choices: contacting the school district or allowing my child to defend herself.

They were shocked & did not like my tactic. They said I could not encourage my daughter to use violence. I reminded them my child had no history of violence but would not lie down & take abuse, but would prevent her own injuries.  If not violence, they would have to allow her to remove herself from the line of fire & get out of the seat when necessary.

They relented & talked to the teacher, who quit giving my daughter a hard time in class.  My daughter was told to tell the bully "You are not allowed to hit me.  I do not give you permission"  repeatedly.  She was bitten once & my daughter bit her back.  The girl never touched her again & actually would tell everyone Ana was her best friend (scary).

This was actually small potatoes compared to the numerous ADD/ADHD recruiting conversations I had every year of her elementary school education.  She is curious & got bored with sitttttttttting all day long.  Her 2nd grade teacher had migraines & didn't really like small children & went on a mission to get my kid sedated; even got the principal in on it.  My kid had no behavior problems, other that wanting more challenges. I honestly think they have good intentions, but drugging kids is a default in schools today. 

The worst part is they tell you that you are failing your child as a parent if you don't take them to a doctor & get "performance enhancing" drugs like the other kids.  Like straight up, "how can you sleep at night if you don't drug your kid" kinda comments.

Stay hard, ladies.  Remember your kid is awesome.  Don't let them get you down.

P.S. please read this wonderful report about how public schools often misunderstand low income kids or assume working parents don’t care because they aren’t able to be in the classroom with their kid every day.  Really powerful article that needs to be shared with parents of young kids.  Ammo for those who are braving the public school system instead of homeschooling  http://www.icsd.k12.ny.us/legacy/district/staffdev/Low_Income_Parents_and_the_Public_Schools.pdf

To Do List

1. Get advertisers for online e-zine.
2. Put together first e-zine: who we are, what we do, focus on a few pirate mommas
3. Start thinking about calendar. Ashley and Jenny will model; need 10 more. Kev checking on presales necessary to print calendar.
4. Collect pirate membership dues to keep meetup site running.
5. Find a freelance writing/editing gig to bring in cash.
6. Get rid of baby clothes and toys.. and all the other shit in our house we don't need.

Upcoming Goodies

I've invited a few tattooed hippie pirate mommas to blog here as guest hosts so you can hear from other mommas like me. Fingers crossed! There are some talented writers among us.

Another idea that has come to mind is a calendar of tattooed mommas that we could put together for next to nothing and sell to put proceeds toward getting our own website rolling. As now, all that we're missing is the hosting money and a deposit for the web designer.. luckily the guy who will do both is a friend of Kevin's.

Kev and I are going to do a pin-up photoshoot at a car junkyard soon, so I've been researching hairstyles and saving pictures I like. Here are a few ideas that I love...

32

Today is my 32nd birthday. All week people asked if I had any special plans, but I never answered because we're broke folks and it's really not that big of a deal.

So my day went something like this:
9:30am - wake up, take over kid duty after dad leaves
10am- start breakfast
-clean up dog poop
-wipe up dog pee
-get Stella milk
-get Cole milk after long whiny session
-take Stella out of the pantry
-tell Cole three times to get off the back of the couch
10:45- finally finish omelets and muffins for 3 kids. feed kids. turn on cartoon.
10:47am- go to smoke.
11am - resume kid duty. repeat same wiping, cleaning up blocks, repeating "No, Cole, I don't have any suckers, you can't have any candy," picking up dog poop, helping with wiping butts, changing diapers, telling big kid to take a shower already.
Somewhere around 1:30pm- make lunch, feed kids, go to smoke again.
1:45pm- Stella falls asleep so I put her down for her nap. Try to nap myself. Cole runs up and down the stairs between me and his big sister, waking Stella, who goes back to sleep on her own. I toss and turn in my own bed, then lie still to try to bring on the sleep.
3pm- Stella wakes up due to Cole being loud and arguing with big sister. I had just fallen asleep.
Repeat diapers, blocks, playing, cleaning, vacuum, pick up toys, step on cars and curse, step on blocks and curse. Go to smoke.
5:30pm- Kev calls to say he's picking up dinner. I miss the message.
6pm- I call Kev asking where he is. He says obviously I didn't get his message. Duh.
6:30pm- Kev gets here with two fish tacos from Fuzzy's and a milkshake from Wendy's, two of my favorites. Yum.
Rest of evening: hang out with friends. Goes nicely. Kids go to bed easily. Day ends well. Yay.

On another note, my mom told me 32 has a lot of meaning for her because she and my dad were divorced at 32. "Not that that's what's going to happen to you," she said. Haha. It's strange to think that she had a 12 and 9-year-old at the same age that my kids are 3-1/2 and 1-1/2. What a difference a generation makes.

I Hate You, 88 lbs.

88 lbs.

88 lbs.

88 lbs.

That is not a good number to see on the scale when you're 31 and 5'2. When your normal weight, though underweight, hovers around 97 lbs. When you haven't been under 95 lbs. in more than two years, when you were pregnant with your daughter. I lost 6 lbs. in three weeks.

I don't know what to point the finger at. I could say it's because my two blonde tornadoes keep me running all day and steal my food. I could blame the recent depression that I now see was due to my latest, and second, miscarriage. I could say it's because I'm busy all the time, but none of those are a reason that I should have let myself get down to 88 lbs. No wonder I've felt so shitty lately. Being underweight is so similar to being overweight: you feel unhealthy, lazy, lethargic. Just plain not good.

It's time to do something. I have to gain some weight. The last time I was this thin was right after having my son, when breastfeeding was taking all of my nutrients out and my weakened body couldn't handle it. I was passing out, blacking out, walking around like a zombie with no energy at all. My metabolism fights against me in that it still works at a high rate and doesn't let my body add pounds. I'd have to eat at least five times the calories of a normal person, which would mean me shoving food in my face 24 hours a day, and that's pretty hard to do with two kids, two dogs, a house to clean, and a husband to make happy.

I've decided to start protein shakes from Body By Vi, suggested by my dad. He's had such success on the shakes that he has been cigarette-free for the first time in six months. He smoked his entire adult life. Not only that, but he walks four miles a day and is in the best shape he's been in in quite a while. In addition to my daily meals, shakes will be added as a snack to put more calories and good stuff into my body instead of eating fatty or unhealthy foods to try to gain weight.

See you later, 88 lbs. Goal: 105.

"See Me."

Lately my son has started shouting "See me!" when he wants me to look at him. It's usually hollered while he's couch-jumping and I'm wrestling silverware from Stella, but it means "I want attention, Mom."

It reminds me a lot of myself, and it's a part of me that I wish he didn't have. Most of my life I felt out of place and invisible, as if people weren't really seeing me. In fact, my password to all of my online accounts in high school was doyouseeme. As Cole gets older, I see a lot of myself in him that makes me hurt for him. I spent - and still do - spend a lot of time inside my head, a very empathetic, social-emotional person who can't help but take a lot of time thinking. I really hope he doesn't spend his life feeling the same way I did at times: invisible. This momma promises to make him confident enough in himself that he never feels unimportant or alone or invisible.

I see you, buddy. I see you. I'll always see you.

Stella, star girl

It's been a while since I've updated about little miss star girl. She is now 18 months old and turning into a full-blown toddler. The girl has a larger vocabulary at this point than we imagined she would. She says: momma, daddy, Cole, Emma, Teddy, bunny, monkey, ice, juice, milk, ew gross, pee, dog poop, night night, hi, bye bye, eat, apple, go, car, play, and many other words. When we're at the park, she climbs to the highest place and beams down at mom, and she sits patiently at the top of the slide for momma to take her hand to assist her down. "Ready? Go!" she says. "Weee!" She loves drinks of mom's tea and can't resist sticking her hands in to grab the ice.

She likes to dance to the Fresh Beat Band and every other tune she hears; the girl has rhythm and likes to bounce her booty. Stella Bella is my Gracie Face. She loves to play peek-a-boo and runs when you tell her to come for a diaper change. She's stealthy, mischievious, adorable, sneaky, and fast. She poses for the camera and loves to try her shoes on and walk around the house. Her little voice might be my favorite thing about her. She calls Peppa Pig "Peepa," and it melts my heart every time.

For a mom who cried at the sonogram revealing a girl, I've turned very easily into a softie of a momma's girl. Our connection is unlike anything else, and she has the best parts of me. Independent, friendly, social, energetic, adventurous. She loves to cuddle and give Eskimo kisses, and she leans in for smooches a lot. This week big brother has been away for Vacation Bible School with grandma, so it gave the girls a chance to hang together. We both loved the time.. Me, maybe more than she did. I think she missed Cole. My face hurts from smiling so much the past few days. Everything she does makes me burst.

Happiness

Doesn't every stay-at-home-mom feel this way sometimes? Honestly.. there are days I miss my career and feeling worthy and successful at something other than parenting, which can feel like a failure in itself most days. At times I feel I'm faking it. I'm a shitty housewife and a terrible cleaner.. at least our clothes are clean and ready to wear and there's food on the table at every meal. I'm not failing at that. ;)