More Than Words

It is a very silent day today... perhaps because the kids are both sick, or that Stella is napping so it's especially quiet.. but overall, I haven't said much. So today's blog will be things that say more than I can with words. I'll let the images speak for themselves.

Guest Blogger: What does it take to be a Tattooed Hippie Pirate Momma?

When I first came across the Tattooed Hippie Pirate Mommas Meetup page, I immediately had to join the group. The name resonated with so much truth and at the same time satire that I was immediately drawn to its originality. The combined words display such richness, such obvious freedom of choice, that it just smacked with joie de vivre, something I am desperate to hang on to as I endure the craziness of kids, but also adults too. So... I immediately told the group’s creator, our Fearless Leader, that she needed to copyright the title right away, or- in true pirate fashion- I would. Fortunately, she listened.

I’m so glad she did, not because I would have ever really stolen the name (borrowed perhaps...) but because it’s original, and I’ve always been drawn to originality and I wasn’t afraid to tell her so the very first time I talked to her. I am proud to be a part of something so unique and new as I am not normally an early adopter. But I’m glad I spoke up at that first meetup because that first conversation lead to another, and then another, and another. Now I consider myself to be a true THPM but one would never know this just by looking at me. You see, at first glance, it doesn’t appear that I have what it takes to be a Tattooed Hippie Pirate Momma.

So why am I not an obvious THPM candidate? Well, not to be puzzlingly pedantic but I think the title says it all... and then again, it doesn’t.

Allow me to explain– like a great recipe whose ingredient list is the key to making something magical, THPM is, to me, greater than the sum of its parts. When considering the bigger picture, the obviousness of each ingredient is somehow lost on me.

So what does it take? Well, let’s start at the top...

Do you have to be Tattooed? Well... not that I’ve done a thorough check... but, no ink isn’t essential. It does help to be decorated and it is definitely a common bond between most of the members, but you don’t have to have any permanent pictures. I don’t have a one. Ink free... and yet I’m a member.

Okay. How about a Hippie? Do you have to have hemp headbands? Hardly. Although I have a healthy bohemian streak hidden away, I’m about as non-beatnik as they come. One look at me says, “Boring business casual,” leading most to believe my corn-fed midwestern look is embedded on my bones. By all appearances, I am as far from a beret-wearing, bongo drum-playing, weird cigarette-smoking, poetry-spouting hipster as you can get.

Perhaps it’s the Pirate part that’s critical? Well to any parent, “pirate” connotes much more than a  high-powered boat off the coast of Africa gunning for an oil rig 50 times its size. To those of us who brave the rough seas of life with car seats in tow, who know Dora’s pirates are pigs and that Patchy hates traffic as much as we do- a pirate is the personification of a non-conformist; a bold and brash personality, someone who takes control of their own destiny. A pirate is a symbol, not really a rogue cutthroat only in it for the money. If that were the case, we’d be the worst pirates in history as there are no treasure chests or buried booty in most of our lives but quite the opposite. We rarely get to sail away anywhere without having to pack
wipes and juice boxes first.

So yeah, the wildest, weirdest word in the group’s title speaks the most truth about our charter. In a way you do have to be a Pirate to join this group, albeit of the silly variety. Someone who distinctively, proudly goes against the grain and even embraces stains (or at least doesn’t sweat them). Deliberate provocateurs willing to stand against the tide of the perfect plastic parents proudly printed in the pulp of published periodicals.

But what about the most obvious word... Momma? This seems a no-brainer as THPM is essentially a playgroup. And again, this is a common bond among most of the members. In actuality, this is the word with which I take the most umbrage as it is furthest from the truth, implying a specificity which the other three words in the title don’t.

So no... you don’t even have to be a Momma to be part of this group. Although I like to joke that I’m “the ugliest mother on the block...”

(wait for it)...

I’m actually a Papa.

I’m a non-conformist in almost every way and proudly always have been. It comes naturally and I’ll bet it’s the same with every non-conformist member of our group. Every Tattooed Hippie Pirate Momma flies the Jolly Roger and knows how to hold a sharp knife between the teeth to boot, all while hoisting the main sail with one hand and cradling a sleeping baby with the other... humming a pirate lullaby... on a rocking ship... with a slick deck... in a storm... dodging cannon fire.

What does it take to be a Tattooed Hippie Pirate Momma? Well, the tattooed hippie pirate part is something with which only non-conformists are born. The Momma part- well, that’s born in you when your children are.

- Bart

Five Things Friday

Five Things Friday: Things That Piss Me Off

1. I hate, hate, hate Idillionaire. I mean, who is this person who quotes everyone else and makes people think they're a fucking genius? Do you know what you find if you Google Idillionaire? A million quotes by other people. "Prolific writer and Internet tycoon," her Twitter account says. Plagiarizing much, Idili? I don't care how much you want to send positivity into other people's lives.. I'm tired of seeing your damn quotes on my friends' Facebook feeds.
2.  What's up with my tattooed friends becoming web cam models? All of a sudden they disappear from everywhere and naked pictures pop up on my husband's favorite armpit-of-the-Internet site? What in the world would make you desperate enough to be a web cam girl as a mother? Don't you think your children will see these pictures later on?
3. Don't ever tell me that you dislike another one of my friends, or that you'd rather not be at a meetup with her or you'd rather lock her in a closet than be around her. That straight up makes you sound like a jealous, catty, immature bitch, and that kind of person is a total turnoff.
4. Religious arguments. You believe what you want to, she'll believe what she wants to, and I'll believe what I want to... but I'm not going to say it out loud or make it a topic of conversation because it starts arguments and comments get thrown around that hurt people's feelings. I firmly believe politics and religion should never be discussed amongst friends.

Okay, I could only think of four things that piss me off this week. At least that I'm passionate about talking about.

..............Tonight I almost blew up my kitchen. I could have killed or seriously injured my children because of a stupid mistake. Since I had a lot of writing to do, I went to the kitchen to turn on the tea pot to make some coffee in the French press. The tea pot is always on the small back burner, but this time it was on the front, and I turned on the wrong burner.
That normally wouldn't be a problem, but tonight there happened to be a glass casserole dish on that back burner, which made the glass dish explode all over the kitchen. I am so thankful my kids weren't playing nearby. I was writing upstairs when Cole came running to tell me something happened in the kitchen, but I didn't understand him until Kevin came in and explained.
Talk about crying like a baby... I cried so much I had to get it under control because Cole gets uncomfortable when I cry. I am thanking my lucky stars tonight.

Chat it Up

Tattooedhippiepiratemommas.com is up and you can go check out the forum to chat away with fellow mommas. The site isn't live yet, so you have to go here to check out the forum. When you get there, sign up with a username and password, add your picture and profile details.. and most of all, don't forget to come back! :)

I'm waiting on the photographer to get the high-resolution photos for the calendar so I can start putting it together. Kev will edit pics if needed and lay it out in the order I tell him to because I'm a boss like that.

This is the way I'm thinking it will go after checking out the wardrobe colors and outfits to go with seasons.

2013 Tattooed Hippie Pirate Mommas calendar

JANUARY: Hep-Kat – New Year fire-spinner, green outfit. *Get high-res copy of typewriter shot, fire shot for her.

FEBRUARY: Skye – all-red sequins

MARCH: Stephanie – derby girl, white bustier with pink bottoms and skates

APRIL: Kendra – spring lady, dressed in yellow vintage

MAY: Azure – maid's outfit

JUNE: Bekah – peach ostrich feathers and pearls

JULY: Stacy – Independence Day, red/black boustier, black shorts

AUGUST: Dawn – cake baker outfit (no ass shots)

SEPTEMBER: Sanja – cowgirl outfit

OCTOBER: Kate, the Rosie the Riveter pose in black, white, red bandana

NOVEMBER: Brook, the wine girl in black dress, leopard bra and wine glass. *Use wine spilling photo. Get her a copy.

DECEMBER: Samantha – wrapped in a boa

 

Others:

Leisha, the goth girl in all black (*haven't seen her photos so not sure where she'll fit in)

Lacy, the black rose (*disappeared from Facebook and is hard to contact, so hmm..)

Jenny, have photos from Missouri

Ashley, have photos from Ohio

 

Girls who posed in two outfits:

Dawn – baker and record girl

Hep-Kat – typewriter and fire-spinner

Stacy – vintage smoker and red bombshell

 

Group shots:

Dawn and Skye in red

Tuesday girls as a group

Funny out-takes

It's going to be really hard to narrow it down to just 12 girls, so I may end up doing a bonus sheet at the end of the calendar with extra girls, or I may decide to stretch the shots into a 2-year calendar for 2013-14. I mean, these girls are fab. Take another look.

Keep reading for more updates on the 2013 THPM calendar and the website! :) Thanks for all the support!

Hair, There & Everywhere

This momma got a new freelance job so I've been trying to balance bringing in some bucks with designing and writing copy for the new Tattooed Hippie Pirate Mommas website. I'm waiting on the photos from Stewart so I can start putting together the calendar. It's a lot of creative projects at once and I love it. My husband has been working extra hard on it and I'm so appreciative.

Been feeling bored with my hair.. straight and mid-length for so long - so I took a little trip to Sally's and ended up spending my first few days of freelance pay on hair supplies. A crimper, new rollers, a curling iron, feather extensions, the works. Even bought a little tube of red lipstick, wow!

Here's my hair with feathers in and crimped. No makeup; it was late.

My friends made comments like, "Get in the delorean we're picking up teen wolf and going back to the future!" and "Don't forget to roll your z cavariccis...." Haha, but I love it. It makes my hair thicker and alternating strips of crimped and straight hair is retro chic. I'm totally bringing it back. (Besides, my stylist's assistant had her hair crimped during the THPM calendar shoot and it was adorable.)

This is a style I'm loving too, especially for running out with dirty hair.

Onto other parenting things... My friend and fellow momma/calendar model Samantha is featuring some parenting stories on her blog starting this week, so head on over and check them out. Who knows? Yours truly might even have something to say. ;)

Calendar Shoot, Day 3

Saturday morning was a different vibe at the studios, maybe because it was the last day of shooting, or maybe because it was morning instead of evening, or maybe because everyone had stayed up really late the night before. Whatever it was, it seemed to smooth out over the day and everyone came out feeling really accomplished.

I wouldn't have been able to pull it all off if it weren't for my friend Erin, who had all of these amazing connections and did all of the contacting herself. While I know she had fun working with her former colleagues, they all did it because of my vision for Tattooed Hippie Pirate Mommas, and I'm so grateful for that.

Here are some sneak peek shots from the third and final day of shooting with Stewart, Barri, Aundi, and the team.

Azure

Kate

Kate on set

getting up close and personal with Azure, haha

Kendra

Leisha

Azure

The Good & The Bad

Today my kids were in tag-team mode. From this morning until right before bedtime, they managed to play in toilet water, sneak into the dog's water bowl to have a second splash party, broke one of dad's prized possessions, dropped my birth control pills in the toilet, spread an entire box of chickadees (cheap goldfish) and Life cereal all over the kitchen floor, take all of the dirty clothes out of the laundry basket and spread them across the bedroom floor, feed the dogs their dinner, and threw water cups across the room.

And I got yelled at for not being a good enough housewife. Okay, well, I kind of got grilled by my hubby about smoking in the new car and how it smells like spoiled milk already... so I drove to the corner store and bought cigarettes. Right after I cleaned out the car.

So I should be writing about the third day's shoot and how fabulous everything went, but I'll leave that for a happier post. ;)

Pin-up Shoot, Day 2

Tonight was our second night shooting the THPM pin-up calendar and I was pushed into the spotlight as the last model since we had enough time. I just finished wiping the makeup off my face and it must have taken eight layers of eye makeup remover to get that damn stuff off. No wonder models look so perfect. Anyone would look perfect with that much makeup!

Seriously, our photographer Stewart was so amazing with the camera all he had to do was point and shoot. The man has skills to get anyone's personality out of them, even if he has to razz them a little to do it. He's a funny guy and great to work with.

Here are some sneak peeks from tonight's shoot.

Bekah and Sam getting their hurr did by Dominique and Lindsay

Barri posing for Bekah

Bekah ready to shoot

Barri getting Sam ready

Barri helping Samantha

Sanja

Sanja

Laci

who's that? i know, it's me. wow.

yes, that is me. I didn't believe it either.

I needed a bio picture so the girls had me shoot in this dress. I wanted to take it home; it fit like a glove!

More Behind the Scenes: Tuesday's shoot

Skye was our first girl to shoot and Stewart loved her. He kept calling her back between shoots to take her picture again. She has the most beautiful porcelain skin and looked stunning in red.

a blurry me and Skye

Roller derby girl Stephanie getting her makeup done

Um, you want me to be blindfolded? What?

Stanton, Stewart's assistant, got a little abused during some of the shots. He didn't seem to mind.

Dawn and Skye acting silly. I'm fairly certain you aren't going to find this one in the calendar, haha.

Brook in full makeup and hair and me, in no makeup and hair. Ha! Can't wait to see myself all done up. It's all so surreal!